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Name: --->ClarUh lu0
Country: United States
State: New Jersey
Metro: Bridgewater
Birthday: 3/27/1990
Gender: Female
Expertise: talkin` swimmin` skiin` hanq`in out`, skatin` shoppin` drawin` and upfront STRICTLY DOIN` ME
-->HOLLA AT YA GURL<--
.::AQUAGODDESS1127::.
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
6/26/2003
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| dear mother. THANK YOU for pointing out every single physical flaw about me. THANK YOU for telling me I better go to a good college so I can find a husband, since I'm not SKINNY or PRETTY enough. THANK YOU for telling me that I'm too fat, too much like a box, too flabby for every single shirt except maternity shirts. THANK YOU for purposely not making dinner so I don't have anything to eat. THANK YOU for telling me I'm too stupid too succeed in life, too dumb so I have to find a smart husband and depend on him. THANK YOU for telling me I'm too ugly and too FAT to go to prom with anyone, let alone homecoming. Seriously, THANK YOU for everything; you're the GREATEST, and MOST POSITIVE mother I have ever met. | | |
| godfuckingdamnit. i just want to be fucking succesfull in 10 years. holy shit.
i have to; i don't even have a choice. i wouldn't be able to live it down.
everything is fucking gets harder and harder everyday. for the first time in my life people are starting to REALLY bug me.
i can't stand it. i'm tired of people thinking that they can just push me
around whenever they want. okay, i'm a tolerant person, i take jokes,
i like jokes, but there's a point where people need to know to shut up.
fucking bitches wont' stfu. people cross the line and disrespect me,
pisses me off. makes me feel like an idiot for being so damn tolerant.
if it were any other girl, they'd be crying off their asses already.
goddamn why am i so tolerant and easy going sometimes. fucking stupid. i can be such afatassretardedidiot. -- my dad thinks i'll be really succesful. ................................................
toobad.
- why didn't i just study all through out high school, just should've effed having a life.
its not like its all gonn amatter in the next few years. friends change. shit happens.
heh, im'already losing touch with people alreayd and its only senior yr. hah. i wonder
what'll happen in five. -
fucking no one every takes me seriously. pisses me off.
people underestimate me. think i can't do shit. think i'm retarded.
fucking disrespected every minute of my life.
just because i dont' take 5000 APS and my GPA isn't a 4.0
an dmy sat's aren't 2300+ DOES NOT MAKE ME STUPID.
jafk;lsdioeruajlkfsk;jfj;dfskakj;dfsk;jf
ihatebeing stereotyped as an asian. oh & i know.....people think i'm really fat&ugly and shit.
- iamsopissedoffatlife.
- i miss my best friends. they're in college. - now i feel better. | | |
| ireallyhopeigetin.ireallydo.ihopeiwillbesuccessful. xanga is emo central. i need to get into college.michmichmichmcihmcihc wtfuck didn't i try harder. work harder. fuck having a life, should've just studied. fuck. i'mnot getting in. fuck. keep on dreamin' clara luo. keep on dreaming. i just love how every day i have a fuckign reflection about college an dmy future.
if i'm not as succesful as my father, i'll be a disgrace. i need to match what my
parents have done. I don't know if i can do it. maybe my brother can. I'm not
good neough to do it. i don't know what i want to do for ther est of my life.
i want to be like my parents. and be succesful. espeically like my dad. he works
so hard, id ont' want him to be even more dissapointed in me than he already is.
I've already dissapointed him enough thus far, this is my chance to redeem myself.
its my chance, but once again i fucked up this chance.. too bad he doesn't know i wanto grow up and be like him. I want to do business,
i wanna work in wallstreet, i want to enjoy my hard work, I want to have kids &
a family. I want to work hard & enjoy it with my family. i want to be like my mom
despite all of her faults, I want to be like her. I want to be a mother who is there
for her kids. i want to be a mother who brings her kids to practice and cooks for them
when they are home. i've fucked up almost every oppurtunity i've gotten in life. | | |
| It's funny how life works. One dies, and another is born and so on and so on. I'm scared of many things, but I am not scared of death; rather, I'm scared of how I will die and I'm scared of losing other people. I've never dealt with losing someone major in my life before. Never. I don't want to think about what's going to happent to my grandparents. I can't. I don't know how I'll deal. Its scaring me. I can't.
It'll be so unreal, so devestating. No. can't. think about it. Things never work out the way you want them to.
I guess thats reality | | |
| Wow, i almost forgot how to use this thing. In fact, I forgot my password &had my xanga account "freezed" because they thought I was a hacker. heehh. facebook has pretty much taken over my life..heh, but xanga is still much moresatisfying. its funny how i always come to xanga whenever i just want to let things out, its not like anyone reads it anyway, but i do enjoy talking to myself. haa.
-- Boy, where do i even begin? This whole summer has just been an experience ofa lifetime. i don't even know where to start, everything has been so different, i've matured so much, and experienced so much as well. I'd say this summer is definetly bittersweet. i've become closer to my friends and really bonded with them;but, at the
same time, I've lost a few friends as well. i've made new friends but i'm losing two of my best friends in the world to college. What the HELL am i going to do? which brings me to my next point....... I despise being alone, by myself. I don't know why, I've always had an affinty for company, companionship, and just having peope I love around me. I care about people and often try to keep them close, but that may also be my biggest flaw. I tend to look at the brighter, better side of people, and I always give them the benefit of the doubt. & when they dissapoint me, heh, its a big dissapoinment for me. Maybe tha'ts why i set myself low standards sometimes, I'm not afraid of the climb to the goal; rather, i'm terrified of the fall, of failure and rejection. I need to learn to be independent. I depend too much on other people, and that can be emotionally draining on my friends. Sometimes I can't help it, I often mesh my life with my friends' lives. I consider their lives, emotions, and problems become mine, and sometimes i thrust mine upon them. I need to depend on myself. I'm so lucky to have such amazing friends in my life that care about me. My best friends have been through everything in my life. I don't think i could ever repay them. I owe them my life. Sometimes i even wonder how people can stand me and listen to me and my petty problems. I feel selfish sometimes because i want my friends all to myself. I dont want to see them hurt, or see them go away. =[ I just wanted to let you know, i will always be there, even if you dont' think i will. I will be there. Trust me. Nothing i can ever do will make up for what you guys have done for me. You guys literally saved me from myself. Best Friends in the whol freaking world. | | |
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